Falco's Dark Secret
by PaperScarf
Summary: After Fox and Wolf get owned they wonder what Falco's hiding... he claims its the most shocking and most embarrassing secret ever. Join Fox and friends as they go through random and dumb events to find out.
1. Chapter 1: A cheapshot victory

**Author Notes: I honestly didn't expect this chapter to be this long. But yeah enjoy.**

**ps this is my first fan fic **

**Oh yeah and 2 quotes from this story are taken from the "SSB is pretty gay" on youtube  
**

**I do not own any of the characters. Fox and other characters in this story belong to Nintendo  
**

Fox McCloud looked down at the Lylat Cruiser flying off through space down below as he was flying his arwing. he searched frantically in the glove compartment for his gun, then swooped down to the Lylat Cruiser to land and get ready to fight his rival- Wolf.

Wolf was already there, waiting for Fox. As Fox dropped out of his arwing, Wolf had a smirk on his face "Your late." he said.

"Yeah yeah, well maybe I have more important things to do than going out to do a fight to the death match every freaking time someone picks me in brawl."

A lakitu came near the stage holding a video camera, so he could record the match.

"3", began the anouncer,"2, 1, GO!"

Wolf began to laugh "We're going to have playtime, fox!" Fox got out of his fighting position with a disgusted look on his face "Your gay, Wolf!"

Before they began to fight, Fox and Wolf stared each other down making a dramatic scene.

They both stared at each other for another dramatic 3 minutes, the lakitu just realizing that he left the lense on the camera the whole time. 5 more minutes came by as they continued to stare at each other in determination to win the match. The anouncer fell asleep. By now, you could tell that the crowd was ready to end the match any time. 2 minutes later the lakitu woke up the anouncer. "Mmmmmm................Hm huh?! OH COMEON JUST GET ON WITH IT."

Fox and Wolf both jumped. "Welp Wolf looks like its over for you". Fox pulled out a smash ball. Just as he was about to break it, a feathery friend, Falco, joined in and snatched the smash ball from Fox "I'll take that!" He tried to break it with his left wing as fast as he could but then Wolf stabbed him in the back with his claws, making falco drop down. Just as Wolf grabbed it, Falco still on the ground face down, grabbed a hold of the smash ball as well. Then Fox quickly jumped in to take a hold of it also.

"Hey! I had it first!" Fox said in just a slight temper. "WELL TOO BAD ITS MINE NOW." Wolf shouted. All three were tugging on the smash ball like babies fighting for a teddy bear.

"Augh", sighed the anouncer as he put his hand palm on his face.

Wolf tugging on the smash ball the hardest, pulled it way from Falco and Fox and broke it. Thus, getting the power the smash ball contained. "AHA! GET READY FOR ME TO TAKE YOU DOW-" Wolf was cut short as Falco tackled him then took the smash ball's power away from him.

Falco quickly used it and floated high into the air, bringing down the landmaster. The landmasters's large shadow covered Wolf and Fox as they helplessly watched it about to fall on top of them. "Why did I bring that smash ball with me..." Fox whispered to Wolf. BAM! that was all Fox could say for less than a second later the landmaster fell on them and smashed them into the ground.

***at the hospital***

An ugly, navy blue was painted on the old ratty walls. In fact the walls were so ugly you would think the hospital would collapse any second. On the second floor in a medium-sized room was Fox, with a large cast that covered his whole body (exept his face), and he could not move at all, thus feeling pain if he did. On the other side of the curtain was wolf with the same type of cast covering his body and the same painful, stiff status. Both Fox and Wolf were still sleeping. Nurse Peach came into the room along with Falco who was holding a bouqet of pink pansie flowers. She directed Falco where Fox and Wolf were and left the room.

"Psttttt.. Fox! Wolf! wake up..." Slowely whispered Falco. "eruhhhhhhh...." grumbled Fox as he was waking up. Wolf woke up in pain as well. "...Where are we?" Fox asked. "Your at the hospital", said Falco.

"What?! How did we get here..."

"You got raped by my landmaster."

"..ah yes... the land master, I should've known you cheap bastard..."

"Well I'm not the one who brought the smash ball, and...... nice bedding!" Falco tried not to laugh as he stared at the beds Fox and wolf were in. The beds were hot pink with hearts and flowers on them. Falco started snickering "Hey I brought you guys a bouqet of pink pansies you pansies" he threw the bouqet on Fox's bed then he bursted out laughing. Fox and Wolf just exchanged looks at each other, very unhappy.

"Once I get out of this hospital I'm gonna kick your ass." threatened Wolf

Falco laughed some more "Whatever!" and he laughed all the way out of the room, dropping a pink book.

"What the heck is that?" Wolf wondered. "Go over and get it" said Fox. "Oh yeah sure, I'LL JUST WALK ON OVER THERE AND GET IT." Said Wolf sarcastically, referring to his cast and stiffness.

"Just roll onto the floor and get it."

"...I'm not gonna roll on the floor and look like a retard!"

After a few hours past they got bored so Wolf decided to do it. He rolled off his bed and onto the floor "OUCH!!!!!!!!" he roared as he fell hard on the floor. "He got the book and it took him while to open it up (considering he was in a cast) He read on the title "Falco's Dairy"

Wolf had a disturbed look on his face and stared at Fox, since Falco was his friend and all.

"Wow, I didn't know Falco had a Dairy!" said Fox, making him snicker just thinking about it,"Keep reading!"

Wolf turned some pages and read on to a page that looked intresting

_Dear Dairy, _

_I HAVE A SECRET! Its so big that its too secretive to tell to this dairy! In fact I would literally DIE OF EMBARASSMENT if someone found it out! _

Fox wondered in puzzlement "That page sounded really fake. But it also makes you wonder... what IS Falco's secret??"

"How should I know your the one whos friends with the guy." replied Wolf.

"Well I know we're supposed to be rivals, but lets say we try to get down to the bottom of this 'secret'?" asked Fox

"Anything to get back at Falco"

**thats the end of chapter 1 R & R**.** more coming soon**


	2. Chapter 2: The friendly Jigglypuff

**Hello everyone. I haven't been on here in awhile and I think its time to finish this story. Thanks for the reviews =)**

The morning they were let out of the hospital, Fox and Wolf were in their arwings, flying above fields and forests they could not recongize. They were out trying to follow Falco, who took off ten minutes ago.

"Hey, Fox. Do you have any idea where we are?" Asked Wolf, getting impatient.

"I'm pretty sure we're..... well I have no idea to be honest." Replied Fox in embarassment.

"Well that's great, we lost Falco, and WE'RE lost! This place is making me ill. Why did I even team with you in the first place?"

"Relax, I'm sure he's around here somewhere.." Fox glanced around, but all he could see was forest and trees. All of a sudden, their searching was interrupted by a thundershock attack.

"What was that?!" Fox looked to see that his arwing was crashing down. Wolf hovered down to park in a nice, pretty, flower patch which was assorted in several colors, but got crushed when he landed.

"Not a big deal, I'm sure Slippy can fix it." Fox said as he was taking a look at the arwing.

"Oh, don't even bring up that annoying frog. Where did that thunder come from?"

"JIGGLYYYYY!" A large, cute, pink puffball landed their way to the ground. A Jigglypuff, or course. This one looked slightly beat up, one which had been badly injured by a thundershock.

"Hmm, where did that Jigglypuff come from?" Fox looked up ahead to see a Pikachu, which fled away in exitement to it's trainer. Wolf picked up the little balloon shaped Pokemon with one of his sharp clawed hands which was clearly hurting it.

"Hey, now it looks like you're stuck with us!" Wolf smiled as he was getting ready to her beat her up some more.

"JIGGLY!" Jigglypuff opened her eyes in surprise and tried to squirm away.

"Wait, Wolf! Don't kill her!" She might be able to help!"

Jigglypuff heard Fox and nodded her head fast.

"Jiggly! Jiggly!"

"How would this thing help us?" Wolf slightly loosened his grip a little. Jigglypuff rolled off of his hand and ran up to Fox's arwing.

"What is she doing?"

Jigglypuff took a few sticks, some wires, a wrench, some glue, all of these materials some how were found in the forest, and within a few minutes, his arwing was fixed!

"How did you do that?!" Asked Fox.

"Jiggly JIGGLYPUFF!" Jigglypuff jumped in Fox's arwing, eager to leave with them.

"Do you know which direction Falco went?"

Jigglypuff nodded.

It was a dark dusk as they were searching. Eventually, they came across a building in the middle of a city. They found Falco's arwing!

"Hey Fox, I see Falco's arwing! In that city down there!"

"Great! Let's go down there."

"Jiggly!"

They swooped down towards the city, making a nice parking in the middle of the street despite everyone staring at them. The three of them stared at the building. It was large, colorful, constantly changing colors, and you could hear very loud music coming from the inside, along with several shouts and hollars, like the sound of drunk men in paradise. Then out there in the front parking lot, was Falco's arwing with a Police ticket on it for not paying the parking fee.

"A strip club?!" shouted Fox.

**To be continued =D R&R**


	3. Chapter 3: Loxi love

**Just a quick note that this chapter gets a little dirty x3**

"So.. that's his secret? Going to a strip club? That's it??" said Wolf.

"I don't think he would hide that. There must be SOMETHING more to it. Comeon, let's go!" Fox replied as the three walked into the exotic building.

As they entered the lobby (A fancy looking place for a strip club..), they were stopped by a large, formal looking goomba wearing a bowtie below his mouth.

"Um.. excuse me good sirs, you must pay before you can enter and see the, erm ermhm."

"Outta my way." Wolf pushed the goomba with his sharp claws, making him fall to the ground. Wolf and Fox proceeded into the colorful door, along with Jigglypuff trodding along behind them.

"Um..security." the goomba murmured into his speaker phone as he got up.

It was a very dark and dense room, with a large crowd. Lights and colors sparked everywhere. Music played as loud as ever. They could barely hear or see a thing with all the flashy lights and sound.

"WHERE'S FALCO?" Fox asked, being overwhelmed by the loud strip club.

"NO IDEA. SHOULD WE SPLIT UP?"

"WHAT?"

"I SAID SHOULD WE SPLIT UP!!" Wolf yelled even louder.

"NO IDEA WHAT YOU JUST SAID. I HAVE AN IDEA. LET'S SPLIT UP!"

"JIGGLY JIGGLYYYYY!!!!" Jigglypuff was bouncing up and down, trying to make sure Fox and Wolf still knew where she was despite the large crowd.

Suddenly, They started hearing somebody on the microphone that paused most of the crowd.

"Everyone shout it out for the Foxy Loxi." Shouts and whistling began in the room once again as it became a noisy disaster for Fox, Wolf, and Jiggs. They walked further to the front of the stage to get a closer look. A brown furred fox with long brown hair and medium sized breast and a huge bottom walked through the curtians wearing a jacket and some explicit clothing underneath and grabbed the stripping pole.

Fox and Wolf gulped as they saw the stripper do her thing. Jigglypuff with wide eyes, never been exposed to such content before, Fox covered her eyes as soon as he got some sense knocked back to his head.

After the performance was over, Loxi blew a big kiss to the crowd with her overused pink lipsticked lips. Everyone yelled even louder, jumping in the air. Wolf gave a big howl that echoed through the club, Fox just stared in amazement, and Jigglypuff practically fainted.

Once Fox had snapped out of lust, he noticed Falco in the thick crowd going through the door to backstage.

"I SAW FALCO GO THROUGH THAT DOOR! LET'S GO!" Fox lead the way to the door as Wolf followed. Jigglypuff hopped onto Fox's shoulder, considering she was afraid of Wolf and it was hard keeping up for such a small little Pokemon in such a big crowd.

"HEY! COME BACK HERE!" They noticed three huge goombas chasing after them through the crowd.

"Uh-oh, security. Hurry!!" They walked even faster.

Quickly they entered the backstage room where all the exotic girls got ready at.

"Do you see him?" Asked Wolf.

"No.. I think we lost him." All of a sudden, Fox was stopped when he bumped into the same girl they saw on stage. It was Loxi!

"Hello, boys.. and adorable Jigglypuff. What might you be doing here?" she asked in a flirtatious way.

"Erm.. we're looking for someone by the name of Falco?" Fox gulped. He tried to think of his girlfriend Krystal to resist temptation.

"Falco. Oh, him. He's back there on the last room to your left." said Loxi.

"Thanks." replied Fox. Wolf gave her a last smile before they left.

As they entered the Falco's room, Fox cracked the door slightly open. All three of them looked inside the room in shock to see Falco right there, making out with someone on the floor.

**To be continued. R&R.**


	4. Chapter 4: Crashed down again

**Thanks to everyone who's been patient! ^o^ The next chapter will be the last one.**

Fox barged into the room.

"Okay, that's it Falco, tell us what you're.." Fox gasped as he saw what Falco was doing. He was making out with a broom! Falco looked at the three and hid the broom behind him in embarrassment.

"Oh, heyyy guys.. what are you doing here?! Wait, why is a Jigglypuff following you?"

"What is wrong with you?!" shouted Fox.

"Jiggly Jiggly!" Jigglypuff said in excitement. She was holding a video camera she somehow had the entire time and was apparently recording everything.

"Can't get any real girls, Falco?" Wolf teased.

"No, wait you guys, I can explain. I.." he said slowly.

"Yes..?"

"..No, I can't explain." said Falco, throwing the broom at the three and then quickly running out the door. You could hear him laughing down the hallway.

"Augh.. everyone follow Falco." Fox said as they began running out as well, Jigglypuff still holding the camera.

They cought Falco running out the back door. Following him outside, they were slowed down by the huge city's crowded streets. They saw a glimpse of Falco running into a white limo, along with Loxi..

"This doesn't add up." said Fox, "He goes to a strip club, makes out with a cleaning item in the back, then runs off into a limo with a hot girl.

"Nevermind that, let's just see where he's going next. Quick, get into our arwings." said Wolf.

"Right."

Fox and Jigglypuff got into one arwing parked in the streets, while Wolf went into the other. Suddenly, Fox and Jigglypuff heard the two goomba security guards running toward their arwings from behind.

"Hey, stop you two!"

"Ready?" asked Fox to Wolf through his headphone speaker.

* * *

"Yep." They both nodded at each other and began setting their arwings to reverse, running over the goombas so that they looked like pancakes now. With that done, they quickly flew off before anyone else stopped them.

They zoomed off the city's grounds, making quite a few people gather up. As they flew(not too far up, though, they had to keep an eye on the limbo still), they noticed TV cameras and a human news reporter lady with long red hair and a professional dark blue outfit on holding a mic. It looked like the cameras were pointed at Fox and Wolf flying at the moment.

"There you have it, two animals, and a pink.. puffball thing, ran inside those paper airplane looking ships and are now flying. And as you can see, over here in the city, they have cought some huge awe from the crowds. And yes, they just ran over two giant acorn shaped things.." the camera then pointed at Falco's arwing, "and it appears there's another paper airplane shaped looking ship thing... still on the streets, with a parking ticket. That must mean there's more of these furries running about."

* * *

Fox, Wolf, and Jigglypuff, of course, didn't mind the cameras. They kept following the driving white limbo, which appeared to be going far over the speed limit.. suddenly, the limo began taking out some powerful jets as if it were from a Transformers movie, and began to fly!

"Wait.. is that limo flying?!" shouted Wolf.

* * *

The cameras then pointed toward the flying limbo.

"It appears that a white limo is flying! Flying? How is that possible?"

The people gathered up at the city were going crazy. A limo flying! Who knew?

* * *

"Hey, honey bunch, they're still after us." said Loxi.

"Oh, don't worry pumpkin pie, I got it all under control." Falco took out a strange gun from under one of the seats. He then opened one of the limo's windows so the three stalkers could see him, "oh.. I wonder what this does?" looking confused, Falco then began shooting the gun violently as if he was in one of those epic action movies.

"Wait.. what! He's shooting at us!" screamed Fox.

"Jiggly!" Jigglypuff looked like she was enjoying this. She had everything still captured on video and still recording for more.

"Not good Fox! I'm going down!" Wolf heard a loud shot that sounded like it did well damage on his arwing. Smoke began coming out as he descended toward the ground. Jigglypuff stopped enjoying the moment when one of Falco's gun bullets hit Fox's arwing so hard that the video camera fell out of her grasp. Smoke was coming out of Fox's arwing as well and he noticed it began slowly falling to the ground as well.

"Aaah!!" Fox screamed.

"Jigglyyy!" Jigglypuff screamed as she began covering her eyes.

Falco got back in the limo in a feeling of accomplishment.

"Oh, you're so smart strawberry pudding." said Loxi.

"Why thank you, 3000 calorie cupcake!"


	5. Chapter 5: A tea party ending!

**Final chapter! Hope the ending's not cheap. I tried my best to make it sound interesting. Thanks everyone for reading this story. **

"Ohhhh," Fox groaned in pain. He slowly opened his eyes and caught a view of an ugly white ceiling. He couldn't move. He could tell he was in another one of those full-body casts. At least every bone in his body felt broken, "w-where am I?"

"You're in the hospital.. again," Fox heard a well familiar voice. He saw Falco staring at him beside his bed, "your arwing crashed into a building. Wolf is in the other bed."

"Oh, OK. Wait, what happened to Jiggly-"

"Jigglypuff!" a cute voice cut Fox off. Jigglypuff hopped onto his bed happily.

"Jigglypuff!? How did you go unharmed?"

"Jiggly Jiggly!" Jigglypuff pointed out a small parachute on her back which was taken from the arwing's glove compartment.

"Oh.. you really need to stop being a mary sue." said Fox as he groaned in more pain.

"You guys are stalkers. Trying to find my secret, eh?"

"Wait, how did you know?" asked Wolf who just woke up. Even Jigglypuff turned her head up to Falco.

"Well, I know you guys took my diary! But hey, I'll tell you it." Falco said shrugging his shoulders.

"Really?! There must be a catch." protested Fox.

"Nope."

Excited, Fox and Wolf did their best to lean closely despite the full-body casts they were wearing. Falco closed and locked the door, while Jigglypuff leaned closer to Falco with her hand against her ear.

"The secret is..." Falco whispered. This was it!! Falco is actually going to say the secret, "the secret is... that there is none!"

"Wait.. what?!" shouted Fox and Wolf at the same time. Jigglypuff just jumped and could not believe her ears! Falco began bursting out laughing.

"Yeah, that's right. You guys got tricked!"

"So, we went through all that pain and running and paparazzi for nothing?! What grudge were you holding against us!" shouted Fox.

"None. Master Hand just wanted me to pull a prank because you hang out with Taboo more than him. He said it would lead to a pointless fan fiction!"

"Aw, that jackass." said Fox.

"And you gotta admit.. you guys looked like idiots chasing me down!" Falco started laughing again, trying to grasp breath. Wolf however, was not happy. Pissed, he growled and began trying to break out of the cast as if he was never injured.

"That's it, I'm going to kick your ass!"

"Psh, good luck breaking out of that cast. You look like a mummy!"

"Jiggly!"

Jigglypuff jumped off Fox's hospital bed and walked over to Falco, and began staring at him. Mustering up all her strength, she jumped up and kicked him hard in the nuts.

"Ow..!!" Falco fell to the ground in pain.

"Puff!" Jigglypuff began laughing. She noticed he was getting up, so she quickly unlocked the door and ran out of the room.

"Come back here!!" Falco ran out the room and chased after her. Wolf broke out of his cast then ran out the room as well.

"Come back here Falco! I'm gunna kick your ass!!"

"Those three." Fox laughed. All of a sudden, a giant chain chomp randomly broke through the wall!

"Ruff ruff!" it looked at Fox, then aimed at him to eat.

"Gah!! Wait for me you guys!" Fox broke out of his cast suddenly not hurt, and ran out the room. All around the hospital building, the four friends and the random chain chomp chased each other.

The hospital was now a chaotic mess. While Fox was running, He heard his cell phone ring.

"Hello??"

"Hey, Fox, where've you been? I haven't heard your voice in forever!"

"Master Hand?" said Fox while dodging a flying first-aid kit.

"Yes! I missed you, you know. You don't talk to me anymore! All you do is hang out with that Taboo guy.."

"Look, I can't talk right now. I'm kind of in a situation.."

"Oh, I know. I'm watching it on my screen right now." Master Hand could hear the screamings and battle cries of Wolf, Falco, Jigglypuff, and the barking chain chomp in the background, along with some scared nurses and patients.

"Well.. can you please help me?!"

"Why of course.. but on one condition."

"What?" asked Fox.

"Only if you and your friends come to my house tonight for tea and cookies. I need to even up the score between me and Taboo!"

Not that Fox hated tea and cookies.. but with Master Hand?

"Aw crap."

**End :)**


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